For Elizabeth

With apologies to Dr. Seuss

Liz is Betsy and Betsy is Liz and that’s the first thing you should know.
They grew up together (’cause they are the same person) near a mountain that’s covered with snow.

One wants the other (and she wants the first) as they visualize what they can’t do
I offer this up as a warning because – this could all happen to you.

It can be rough growing up in a small town where there are limited roles
And that’s doubly true for Betsy (and Liz) – in a village of 2 dozen souls.

Throughout the county, each person loved Betsy – and treated her like she was four.
This caused upset and much consternation – Betsy was hoping for more.

So Betsy went steady with some local boy who asked her Dad if they could wed
But Liz said no, she won’t settle down with a boy she hadn’t taken to bed.

Now Liz hates Betsy but Betsy loved Liz – and literally wanted to be her.
Each night she would dream of her future as Liz – happier, hipper, and free-er.

Town gossip was flying about the refusal of Betsy (and Liz) to get hitched
While Liz (and Betsy) yearned for escape and they couldn’t wait to get switched.

So when it came time to head off to college, Betsy packed up all her stuff.
But it was Liz who arrived at their dorm room, sexy and silky and tough.

Betsy at home was always the good girl, despite all she wanted to try
But Liz at school was always the bad girl, frequently – no, always – high.

Liz thought she’d get A’s without any effort – but that thought was far from the truth.
So she settled for C’s and the pills she was buying – washed down with the cheapest vermouth.

Liz dated jocks and Liz slept with teachers and did all the things she was able
And every one of the Sigma Chi pledges thought Liz looked hot on their pool table.

Liz did things that Betsy just dreamed of – drinking and smoking and sex
And Liz ate stuff that Betsy was scared of – pussies and cocks and Tex-Mex.

Then Liz got a tattoo and Liz did a three-way and late one night Liz pulled a train
While Betsy skulked 'round, witnessing Liz's common sense swirl down the drain.

As dawn was breaking, Lizzie would wake up, covered in cocaine and jizz
This would have never happened to Betsy, but it happened quite often to Liz.

Four years of debauchery flew by in a flash (another thing Liz loved to do)
For graduation, she smoked tons of hash (and stripped to show off her tattoo).

Then Liz got a job and Betsy took over and they moved in with some guy named Max
Now Liz and Betsy are both gulping Prozac to stave off their panic attacks.

In the corporate world, there’s no place for Liz, and Betsy’s again number one.
Which brings poor Liz much pain and frustration (plus the vague memory she had fun).

When the name’s what determines your baseline behavior, sanity’s not what it seems
For Liz and Betsy (and Betsy and Liz), it’s all about managing dreams.

So Max loves Betsy but lusts after Liz, which all works out perfect for him
But she’s still trying to figure it out – where does Betsy end and Liz begin?

In life we have chances to change and adapt – and it’s always a good thing to grow.
Still Liz is Betsy and Betsy is Liz and that’s the one thing that I know.